I've always been one of those people who overworks. "Good enough" is never good enough for me and given a task which may take someone else an hour to get done I might take it too seriously or further than needed and turn it into a day project. Or longer. I can't leave things half finished or half arsed. And I'm not very good at delegating because my expectations are unrealistically high so I get frustrated with the way things are done and I spend more of my time needlessly redoing it. So it's easier just to do everything myself which doesn't help anyone. I know it's my fault for having high expectations but I have no idea after this many years how to make them more realistic and I don't think it's encouraging for anyone for me to have super low expectations of them.
Add to this my very poor discipline outside of work with regards to rest and bedtimes and you've got a great breeding ground for what people like to call burnout. Lately this has been manifesting itself in negative attitudes in my heart.
Our skate businesses exist soley because Rob, Boris, Lauren and Kerie heard God's purpose for them and committed to it. To create businesses that will show Christ's love in the skateboarding industry. What profit they make goes into community projects for skaters, donations and helping skaters and others out. And time and time again we have seen God move through these businesses and give us favour.
But working within a business ministry you have to ask God to get your heart and head right. Because it's a job but it's also a calling, a ministry. You're not in it for the money. Which is completely contrary to the way business is seen in the world. Business is about making money. About growing and seeing that growth reflected in your payslip and in your lifestyle. And that's the perspective that's been creeping into my mind and making its way down to my heart. Giving me a poor attitude and damaging my ability to look around and appreciate all that God's doing around me.
And I'm certain the reason is that I haven't been connecting with God. I haven't been talking to Him or reading about Him or what He's said. I haven't been thanking Him for all the good stuff or telling Him about my problems or fears or looking for His perspective. So of course when I'm not seeing things through His eyes I revert back to seeing things through the world's eyes and then everything looks broken and hopeless and I get so tired.
So I want new priorities. I want to put my relationship with God first, and I want to silence those voices in my head that tell me that's selfish. Because I know that God cares more about me spending time with Him than spending time doing stuff for Him.
Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
So I'm going to focus on the first commandment because I reckon everything else comes from that.